Little Haggis and I love going to the nearby beaches. We love to run, soak up the fresh sea air, look for interesting stones and shells.In this last year, a trip to the beach has been a very rare occurrence...
Today, an email arrived out of the blue. The sender is an old friend, who I got to know because of Little Haggis. She moved away from this area with her own Little Haggis (affectionately known as Peeks, and my Little Haggis's best little friend all through nursery) a good couple of years ago now.
There are some subjects which I know I would like to touch on in my blog, but did not know how, because it's not easy to talk about. As things work out, sending her an email back with what's been going on in my life, gave me the perfect opportunity to commit some of those more sensitive thoughts and issues to virtual paper. So, I will publish her little mail, and my more elaborate response.
I've omitted any identification, because I don't even know if she minds about me publishing our correspondence.
Hi POC (piece of chocolate)! Hope this is still you email address. So sorry I haven't been in touch for ages, years probably! Desperate to hear all your news. Are you still in the Borders, how's LBB (Little Big Boy) and L'Haggis? etc..... I'm living with My Man now in Northamptonshire and teaching still in a tough school, so very tired out. Peeks misses L'Haggis terribly, still talks about her loads. Would be lovely to catch up sometime (hoping L'Haggis remembers her!!). Anyway, let me know. Hope all well with you, DOF (Dear Old Friend)xx
HI DOF!!!!!
Such a long time...
No need to say sorry, I'm equally guilty! In fact, I think I might be more guilty than you are...
Of course L'Haggis remembers Peeks. How could she (or we) forget?
It's really good to hear that you are doing well, and that living with Your Man is working out fine.
I'm sure it must be pretty tough, teaching in a school full of teenagers.. I have been told a lot of stories over the last year and a half, you'll find out why...
Here, things have also moved on, I met a nice maths teacher (of all professions eh...) back in the summer of 2007 and he has moved in with me here. He's a good bit older than me (47, to be precise) but that is not an issue, in fact it has some real benefits. He's a divorcee, father of 2 grown up kids, and so that meant that he was free to move where he wanted, thus able to be flexible and move here. He's originally from the Teesside area, so not next door, but also not really that far away anyway. His kids, a son and a daughter, are really nice young people, and because they are both in their twenties, I can feel more like a friend than some wicked step mother. They have accepted me very well, and I like their company too, so that's all working out a treat really.
L'Haggis is doing well, LBB is doing well, he has joined the merchant navy, is at college, and so no longer home for the time being. If all goes to plan, he should be heading out at sea for his first long journey in the next coming 4 weeks. He'll be bound for West Africa, and then be back after 3 months for a short break and presumably, after that he'll be flown over to Panama, where he'll be working at a dry dock. He's training to be a Marine Engineering Officer, and I hope and pray every day that it all works out and that he will qualify in the end. It has not been an easy ride with him, and when he comes home (which is not very often) it's still not without its problems. My Dearly Beloved has settled in here too, loves the Borders and my house, which is now also his home.
In the very beginning, L'Haggis was not very receptive towards Beloved, but after a good year and a half now, that has all changed, and if he is not around she's eager to know where he is and when he will be back home. She has had to rely quite a bit on him, as I myself have not been that great. I've been suffering from severe depression, anxiety and really bad panic attacks for more than a year now, and every time that I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I seem to fall back into my deep dark hole with an almighty thud. I've been on all sorts of medication, with varying results, but nothing that has really brought the solution I'm hoping for. Beloved has been brilliant though, looking after my Little Haggis, making us tea after he comes home from a long day at work (he teaches at a school 50-odd miles away, so although the actual school day is not that long, you can just imagine how long he spends on those twisty winding roads!). It can't be easy for him, dealing with a mental wreck. I just think that life eventually caught up with me... Never thought it would, but hey, I had to give in, despite my assumptions I've had to learn the hard way that I'm not super woman after all.
My business is still going, although there has been an awful lot of stopping and starting with me not being well. The shop is now a great deal bigger, and when I'm open, which can be a struggle, I have lots and lots of all kinds of crafty and gifty things for sale, on top of doing (as best as I can manage) the usual soft furnishings and upholstery. I've also started to paint again lately, which helps me to put me in a better frame of mind. On top of that I've just started my own blog, which I hope will evolve into something cathartic, and should drive some of my demons away. (it's not for lack of trying to get back to the surface, you know...) Since I have been "a bit out of it" I cannot sleep at night, and that is why I am writing this reply now... I don't know what time it is, but I do know it must be well after midnight. I'm also hoping to use my blog to get my paintings out on the net, even though I'm not looking to turn it into some sort of a commercial website. Feel free to check it out if you like.. http://chocolateandhaggis.blogspot.com/ You can leave comments, etc..
I have been wondering how you have been doing. I had also been wondering whether you might be thinking of a little sibling for Peeks still. It seems like the wait to live together and to have a life with Your Man was long, but worthwhile. I really hope things will go from strength to strength for the two of you. I haven't passed your new neck of the woods much lately. We went to Belgium in the summer, but it was just a huge disappointment, I came away feeling completely emotionally drained, so it's not likely to be repeated in the near future. My family is growing more dysfunctional as time goes on, and I don't cope with it very well. I was really happy that my Beloved and I had been together for a year before I introduced him to the mad circus my family is. Had he not known me for who I am, he might have made a sharp exit upon meeting my weird and not so very wonderful family. Mr. Ex (father-Haggis) is getting married on the 4th of June coming. He sees Little Haggis fairly regularly, and I have to be honest, he is not a bad father. Contact between him and me is a bit like the weather... very changeable, and rather stormy at times. But we cope... As long as L'Haggis experiences it as a positive thing, I'm quite willing to put up with the odd storm.
I presume that Peeks has now no longer got any contact with her father? I'm sure the distance won't promote regular contact anyway, regardless of how the relationship was to start with.
Can reflexology cure a fractured worn out mind? If so, I'll get down there... haha. If only it was that simple. Do you still use those skills in any way at all?
Well, I think I might go and blog a bit, I might even use some of this email as a base... (don't worry, everything is completely anonymous!)
Let me know how it's all going. We should keep in contact more, but to be honest, I've not been in contact with anyone, it's hard to talk to anyone when you feel like you've lost yourself.
Speak soon?
POC & co xxx
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